God Save ‘Da Prez

Here’s a fun little ditty for a Friday morning.  Sing out loud or to yourself to the tune of “My Country ‘Tis of Thee”. Need I say more?

My Country 'Tis for Me
Land of O-li-garchy
Of Me I Sing
Land where my Father lied
Housing to blacks denied
I love the Upper East Side
Of Me I Sing

My friends, please look at me:
Monied celebrity
It's me you love
With ten thousand-dollar bills,
Hedge funds will be fulfill'd
My wallet with rapture thrills
Of Greed I love

Let healthcare go to pot
And all Obama wrought --
Costs that are bad!
Let angry tongues awake
I'll sell them oil of snake
'Til their pocketbooks shall break
Like a Trump U. grad

They'll think I'm God -- you'll see
They'll trade their liberty
for me, I Sing
Long may my Star be bright
Lit up by TV light
Rev'ling every Twitter fight
Donald Trump your King.

Trump Tops the Eclipse

Scene: The Oval Office

President Donald J. Trump, Steve Bannon, and Vice-President Mike Pence are present, sitting. Sarah Huckabee-Sanders is entering the room.

TRUMP: “Standers –“

SANDERS: “It’s Sanders, sir”

TRUMP: “Yeah — don’t worry — I know my people — believe me”

SANDERS: “Yes, sir.”

TRUMP: “What’s all this about a blackout?”

Sanders looks at the President, confused.

TRUMP:   “You know, this thing that’s going to eclipse – (aside) nice word, huh – who says I don’t know words? – (to Sanders) that’s going to eclipse my Twitter feed.”

SANDERS: “Oh, you mean the Solar eclipse that is going to occur on Monday, August 21. “

Continue reading “Trump Tops the Eclipse”

Future News: Hurricane Trump Bears Down on Washington; Forces Inauguration Indoors

Hurricane Trump Bears Down on Washington; Forces Inauguration Indoors
Jan. 19th, 2089

A rare, landfalling hurricane is expected to hit the Washington-Baltimore metropolitan area tomorrow. Heavy rains have already blanketed the area, delivering up to 1.75” in several locations. The rains have interrupted plans of many presidential well-wishers from attending the inauguration and many of the balls that traditionally accompany such events.

Earlier in the week, officials at the National Weather Service announced that the Hurricane would not be named “Abigail,” the first planned name for Atlantic hurricanes for 2089. Instead, it would be dubbed “Hurricane Trump.” Weather Service Director Zhoaria Kohme explained, “This hurricane is occurring prior to the official March 1 start of the Hurricane season, for which ‘Abigail’ has been reserved.”

Regarding the name of the Hurricane, Director Kohme noted, “Considering […] the 45th President’s denial of environmental change and the maelstrom accompanying his first year in office, ‘Hurricane Trump’ seemed like the perfect name.” Continue reading “Future News: Hurricane Trump Bears Down on Washington; Forces Inauguration Indoors”

New! Donald J hand-extending glove!

Hear the pitch, here:

Here at the SteveLacksFocus Labs, we have been working on a number of interesting products in the past few weeks. By far the most promising is the “Donald J” hand-extending glove.

This glove adds three-quarters of an inch to each finger and pads the overall width and thickness of the back of the hand to create a more robust look. Each finger is fully articulated through the innovation of our patent-pending “tip clip” finger extensions, which fit snugly over each fingertip and allow you to move the fully-extended finger as if it were truly a part of you.

Each ”Donald J” is made of hand-stitched, premium grade leather and looks especially handsome combined with a dress shirt and our extra-long ties. Whether you want to look like a sensitive and caring piano player or just want that more rugged handsome appearance that is provided to a man with man-sized hands, the Donald J. hand-extending glove is the answer.

And now, for boys, too! Is your little guy getting picked on at the soccer grounds for his immature hands? The “Donald Jr.” can replace his confidence. The “Donald Jr.” is available in a variety of sizes with fingers proportionally lengthened to fit any school-age youngster.

The “Donald J” and “Donald Jr.” will be available soon wherever Yves Encore clothing is sold.